went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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