i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
