She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
