we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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