she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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