I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
