you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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