Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
