Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
