1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tell your sister to shave her snatch
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
