Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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