so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
