there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
