Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
