I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
