I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she looked like the before picture.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
