allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
