so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
