Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
