Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
