She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dicks are not precious.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize