I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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