I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
