Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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