duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize