Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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