There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
