Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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