After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
