You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize