I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
