i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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