Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
