it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
