I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
