If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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