If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
