There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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