he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
