just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
