i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
