you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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