I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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