Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
