Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
