I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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