the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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