Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
