I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
