i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
