dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
