LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
