I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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