I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
