Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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