Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
