he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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