I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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