Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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