I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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