Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
