I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
