All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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