with your own penis?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
