Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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