I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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