My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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