Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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