so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize