just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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