Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
