You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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