I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
