I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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