I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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